


Memory

by captainraz



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Star Trek Friendshipfest 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 19:50:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6920659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainraz/pseuds/captainraz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kira takes Dax to Bajor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [allamaraine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allamaraine/gifts).



> This ended up a little more hurt/comforty than originally intended. Hope you like it.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Dax’s voice startled Kira out of her reverie. She’d been staring at the same patch of dirt for Prophets only knew how long, lost in thought and memory. She’d knelt to offer a prayer to the Prophets but could no longer remember what she’d said or when she’d stopped praying.

“I’m fine Dax,” she said with a sigh, “it’s just… strange being back. I pretty much grew up here.”

Kira looked out over the Singha Refugee Camp, or what was left of it anyway. Like most of the labour camps set up during the Occupation, it had been torn down in the early days of the Provisional Government. Now all that remained was a few tessipates of dirt and rubble and the scars of those who’d been there.

Like Kira.

She could still remember the way it had looked when she was a child. All the uniform grey buildings made out of plasticrete. The fences, the forcefields. The guards.

The beatings.

If Kira concentrated hard she could still feel the gnaw of hunger in her belly and the sense of despair as her brothers cried all night on the cold floor. They were shoved twenty to a building when they were lucky, made to sleep in the caves when they weren’t. The Cardassians told them everything was for their own good; the sleeping conditions, the work, the food rations.

Nothing the Cardassians had ever done was for the good of the Bajoran people. That’s why Kira had fought so hard. Why she’d left.

This was the first time she’d been back since the end of the Occupation. Kira could count on one hand the number of times she’d visited since she’d left to join the Shakaar. And now she was back, one last time. It had been… _suggested_ to her that it might be a good idea to try find some closure but if Kira was honest with herself she probably never would. She’d left this part of her life behind a long time ago and that was about as good as it would get.

“You know I don’t even know where my brothers are buried?” she said a little while later. “There are probably graves dotted all around the camp but I don’t know which one my brothers are in. Assuming the Cardassians didn’t just cremate the bodies…”

Dax looked faintly horrified. “The Bajoran Government hasn’t done anything about locating and identifying the remains? They don’t want to reunite them with the families?”

Kira shook her head. “No money for it.” Bitterness clung to edge of her voice; damn the Federation and their ‘enlightened’ moneyless economy. “Besides, we Bajorans might not be too particular about dealing with the bodies of our dead but disturbing a mass grave when the Paghs of the dead are long departed… just seems wrong.”

Dax definitely looked horrified now. There were some things Federation types like her would never understand. And that was okay “But your brothers…?” she said.

“Are with the Prophets now. I have to trust in that.” It was enough. It had had to be enough for a long time now.

They were both quiet for a while and Kira watched the complex play of emotions across Dax’s expressive face. She seemed to be taking this harder than Kira was.

“I don’t know how you deal with it. In seven lifetimes I’ve been through a lot but this… I can’t even imagine.”

Kira shrugged. “You get used to it. It’s a part of me, my past. I can either accept it and move on or I can let it haunt me for the rest of my life.” She could try to hide the hurt by abusing her body in various different ways, but in the end it couldn’t change what she’d been through. So she didn’t bother.

Dax looked stunned that Kira could be so matter of fact about it, but that was how she felt. No amount of wishing could change what had happened, and she was far from the only one dealing with such horrors. Almost every Bajoran in the system had some major trauma or other—physical or psychological—and many had it worse than she did.

Those who had been at Gallitep for instance. As long as she lived Kira would never forget what she’d seen when she went to liberate that camp. She still had nightmares about it sometimes.

“Well, I think you’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met.”

Kira shrugged again, unsure how to deal with the compliment; she was just doing what she had to. She closed her eyes and cleared her mind.

After a few more moments of silent meditation and contemplation, Kira brought herself back to the present feeling more centred. “I’m sure this wasn’t exactly what you had in mind when you asked me to show you Bajor.”

“No, it’s fine,” said Dax, and Kira believed her. “I’m glad you feel you can show me this. I’m just sorry I didn’t think. It’s only been a few years since the Cardassians left but somehow feels like longer, like the Occupation belongs to another time and place entirely.” She rested her hand on Kira’s shoulder. “I should have realised that you showing me where you grew up would involve reliving some less than pleasant memories.”

“There were some good memories too,” Kira said, smiling.

“Do you wanna go for a walk while you tell me about some of them?”

Kira smiled. “That would be nice.”

Dax offered her a hand and hauled her out of the dirt. “Which direction are we headed?”

“Pick any, it doesn’t matter. I know this wilderness like the back of my hand so we won’t get lost.” Dax shouldered her pack, hooked her arm around a Kira’s elbow as they set off in the direction of the hills in the distance. “Did I ever tell you about the time Shakaar nearly blew his own foot off?”

The walk, and conversation, was less emotionally heavy than their visit to Singha had been, and pretty soon Dax was roaring with laughter. Kira couldn’t help but grin at her friend’s enjoyment of the things they’d done in the resistance. They paused in their climb on a rocky outcrop and looked back over where they’d come. From their elevated vantage point it felt like they could see across half the province. Kira had often wondered what this would be like; to look out over a free Bajor and see no sign of the Cardassian Occupation at all. It had been a long, hard road to freedom, and the recovery was far from complete, but this was everything Kira had dreamed of as a child.

“You know, I’m glad I’m decided to do this with you, Dax,” she said. “There were times when I never thought I’d get to do this, look out over Dakhur and see a free Bajor. It means a lot to me that I get to see it with a friend.”

Dax nudged Kira with her shoulder. “No problem.”

They resumed their quiet contemplation of the landscape and allowed the afternoon to slip away from them. Struck by a strange fit of nostalgia, Kira led them to one of the cave systems they’d used in the Shakaar so they could bed down for the night. Dinner was accompanied by more stories—Kira could probably tell them until she was old and grey and never run out—and they retired to their tent with smiles on their faces.

When Kira woke up it was still dark and Dax was shaking her shoulders, her face pale in the lamp light.

Disoriented, Kira flailed with her still half-asleep limbs and nearly knocked Dax out.

“Nerys, wake up. It’s just a dream. Whatever it is you’re just dreaming.”

“Dax? What?” Kira said when she finally managed to get her mouth to work.

“You were screaming,” Dax said simply, her face looking grim in the poor light. “I assume you were having a nightmare.”

Kira groaned; she couldn’t really remember, but her brain felt like wet sand and her mouth was dry. As she struggled to sit up she noticed her hands were shaking. “I’m sorry Dax, I should have realised that might happen after today. You should go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you.”

Dax shook her head. She seemed calmer, more at ease now that Kira was properly awake. “You’re not sleeping any time soon so neither am I.”

Kira tried to protest but quickly realised she was up against Dax in full stubbornness and gave up. Besides, now that the adrenaline of being woken up had worn off she was feeling a little shaky and would appreciate the company.

“I’ll make some tea,” said Dax once it was clear Kira wasn’t going to argue.

Sat nursing a steaming mug of jumja tea, Kira couldn’t deny that she felt better. The familiar tart-sweetness of the tea was chasing away the last vestiges of terror from her mind and she found herself actually relaxing. Dax said nothing, she just nursed her own mug and watched Kira carefully. She didn’t seem to mind having been woken up by a screaming Kira and neither did she seem to want to press for details, for which she was eternally grateful.

“Jadzia… thanks.” It felt utterly inadequate for how Kira was feeling, but it was all she could manage in the middle of the night.

“It’s what friends are for.”

Jadzia started talking about her previous hosts, regaling Kira with how they’d dealt with people waking up from nightmares—usually their children, but Kira wasn’t offended—and it filled the silence. It was amazing to think that she could have a friendship like this, one not based on camaraderie and necessity. A friendship that had room for visits to the holosuite and camping trips to Bajor and teasing about each other’s love life (or lack thereof). Yes the past still lingered, in corners and dark places and could rear its ugly head when you least expected, but it was easier to deal with when Dax was here. She was sat on a free Bajor enjoying tea with a friend who had had _nothing_ to do with the Occupation.

And wasn’t that wonderful?

Whatever the cost, it had been worth it.


End file.
